


tear my heart asunder

by ordinarylittleme



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-16 08:25:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17546108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ordinarylittleme/pseuds/ordinarylittleme
Summary: All they would ever be was sisters.





	tear my heart asunder

I shivered ever so slightly as I watched Bella slowly walk down the aisle, holding Charlie's arm like a lifeline. She was blushing, and smiling; she was an incandescent light, warm and beautiful - I couldn't help myself. Despite my desperate attempts to do anything _but_ display such a human weakness, my hands trembled as they clutched the bouquet. The flowers were beautiful and smelled so perfect.  
Everything was perfect.  
I was too.  
Supposedly, anyway.

I'd always thought Bella would get married in a field. Not the meadow she claimed as hers and Edward's...a _proper_ field, reminiscent of Mississippi's grassy heavens. And she simply walked, walked in ignorance of her complete and utter perfection. My optional breath quickened as, for a split-second, the world was just me and her. It hits me then, as Charlie hands her off to Edward: this wedding is _real._ No one will stand and protest. It sends me reeling, and I feel like stumbling. Screaming. Doing something. But I know I won't.

_"This is what she wants, Alice!" Edward bellows, eyes flashing, fists clenched. "She does not want you. You can't hurt her, can't put her through that; I won't let you." What he doesn't say: I will kill you if you do. What I don't say: I'm sorry. I can't help it. And I can't help but hate Edward in that moment. He was monstrously cruel, and arrogant, and demanding - though Carlisle and Esme never cared much about that - and so, **so** cowardly. I was bitter over what never was, and pathetically in love with a girl who was always another's, and too obstinate to see what was right in front of my eyes. But she...I could never tell how she was._

I take slow, deep breaths. They're optional for me, but maybe I could taste Bella across the oxygen molecules between us. One little taste of her before I lose her forever. Before we are trapped into the word 'sisters'. I had watched them grow closer. First as enemies, then as friends, then as lovers. _Oh_ but I was so stupid to ever have done what I did. I pretended to care more about mascara than the pink blush of her cheeks and the rush of her heartbeat. Fussed over heels to hide the way I studied her walk, so cautiously awkward and sweetly endearing. We became acquaintances and then friends and then sisters. The progression stopped there and it stung. For it was not quite enough for me. I wanted more. I wanted _her_. And I know I'd be all wrong for her, but I'd still foolishly dreamed of a chance to see if a circle could break. But a circle has no beginning, and therefore no end; Edward and Bella had always fitted together like pieces of a puzzle and I was just a bystander. I know that if I act on my _(very strong)_ inclination, it will bring about her ruin. So I brought to a halt our friendly contact, and let her fall in love with him all over again. Because that's how the story goes.

And somehow I made it through the vows, the loving gazes. As Bella reaches the altar, she turns to me with a hopeful smile. I hand her the flowers and look directly into her brown eyes. So beautiful, so full of life. Our hands brush against each other's for a brief moment and I see Edward tense infinitesimally in the background. She was genuinely happy with my brother; I could not ask for anything more. She turns, breaking the magic; there's nothing more I can do.

Two years, seven months, eighteen days, six hours and seven minutes wasted on unrequited love. I was her sister, nothing more, nothing less. That was all I was, all I am, and all I will be for the rest of her eternity. Close the curtain.


End file.
